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idk how to start it.                                           #nowplaying  I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz

hard to explain my REAL feeling now. mungkin ini yg jadi alesan knp akhirnya i'm back to write on this blog. i don't want to have this feeling but it always comes up on my mind like everyday and everytime i'm alone. pikiran lari kemana2 dan tetep aja ujung2nya ya ksitu lagi.

feel lonely. jealous. revenge.

first of all, let's start from feel lonely.

i am here alone in my room dan cuma ada laptop (include internet) ditemenin sama TV yg acaranya itu2 aja diulang berkali2. it's April already. means udah satu bulan gw lewatin hari2 gw di Jakarta setelah sebulan di Cianjur. too good to be true, i miss my life in Cianjur so f*ckin' much! live with new friends. see them everytime and everyday. have a stupid little chit-chat. have a deep sharing sometimes. and there are still many more that i can't express it in words. ohh gosh, how i feel lonely to be in my room alone and just be with my crazy gadgets which i don't really like with this kind of life style. what else i could do?? hangout with friends?! they have their own schedule. go to the mall?! i hate crowded mall. karaoke?! am i a stupid little kid who do the karaoke thingy alone???? OHH GEEESSSHH!!!! i'm stuck in my own world.

i miss living together with friends and have an intense and deep conversations

with them as well! i miss CISV. i miss Comdev. ohh i miss it so much!!

ok. let's move on to jealous.

i'm sorry but i can't share this thing on this blog. eventho' it's my own blog, but i just want to keep it secret.

and last, revenge.

i know, seharusnya gw ga bole bgini. but it's always stuck in my head. gw bener2 ga ngerti sama orang-orang itu. gw pikir satu makhluk ini beda sama mreka, tp ternyata??? sama aja akutnya. ga bisa lebih heran lagi dr ini. sorry, but just because of this problem, i can't RESPECT to you all anymore. gw udah ilang kepercayaan or even sakit hati dengan perlakuan sperti itu. gw ga gila hormat, tp gw cuma butuh your EMPATHY to others. DO YOU REALLY HAVE IT IN YOUR DEEPEST HEART???? i don't thing you have it, cause you've shown me all of those things. sorry tapi lu udah kecewain gw sangat amat di saat gw lagi brusaha percaya dan kembali RESPECT sama lo smua. gw yakin kalo suatu saat, apa yg udah lo lakuin ke org lain itu akan berbalik lagi ke lo. - yeaa, sh*t happens! eat that sh*t! -

my super big thanks to you who really care to me, wpun sbelum i didn't expect kalo justru kalian yg akan RESPECT ke gw. and sorry for you you you and you yang bener2 udah bikin gw hilang kepercayaan buat pertahanin pertemanan ini.

i better find someone else who cares to me than i have to fight to be your friend,

tapi kalian gak pernah anggap gw ada.

I LOVE BEING WITH YOU, MY unexpected FRIENDS! :*

cheers. GodBless.                                                                                      In communion,

                                                                                                                          Ichitaa.